Again/Other Person

Ladies and gentleman’s I ask, what is your stand point on being the other person?

Personally I think it’s all situational. Am I the other person because I’m in love and I’m waiting for my turn or am I the other person and it’s just sex. What put me in the place to be the other person?  We’re we friends and it escalated, are they an ex and we’ve rekindled that flame, did I not know at first, how did I get to being the other person…

I’m not the best hype man for monogamy not that I don’t believe it’s attainable I just feel there are a lot of other options. So if I meet someone and they happen to already be in a monogamous relationship, while I’m still going to be me; meaning I’ll flirt and test the boundaries to establish them, I am not a home wrecker. I’m not trying to lead someone astray. I’m being myself. If something does happen it was there choice just as much as it was mine. Now with that in mind, I am no one’s secret and while I’ll respect your wishes of staying monogamous, I won’t lie.

Again/fun fact

Fun Fact: I am tremendously afraid of these here objects. It literally gives me anxiety to have to drive by them. I’m not quite sure what it is about them that makes me uncomfortable; I think it has to do with the size. Something about them gives me this eerie unsettling feeling deep in my gut and it FREAKS me out.

Again/Mountains

So I live in Southern California, in the county of San Bernardino and I never noticed until after being away for quite sometime, just how beautiful my surroundings really are. My location is in the perfect spot, about an hour from the beach and an hour from the moutains. Yesterday just casually riding from one point to another I snapped a few pictures. It’s easy to take for granted what we see on a daily basis. My view is not the norm, I went to places where mountains weren’t a foreign concept; this sight that I’m able to gaze over at any given time is a privilege and a reminder at just how big our earth is.

I promised myself one thing when I left Virginia, that I would be more aware of not only my actions but my also surroundings. The mountains are beautiful not only for their natural form but because they serve as a reminder that over time things can grow. That we have the ability to sustain for a substantial amount of time. The mountains give me courage to stand tall and firm despite the natural occurrences that are out of my control.

Again/Sister

This Thanksgiving I am extremely grateful for my two younger sisters. They are growing into such beautiful young women and I couldn’t be prouder. I always say it’s one thing to have people look down on you, but it’s a whole different story when you have people looking up to you ♡ they’ll never know how much they inspire me to be better.

The youngest now standing at 5’3 and 13 years old. She’s most like me in some ways and opposite in others. Were both a little awakard, we laugh at ourselves and love to make those around us happy. This young women has talent and heart and I can’t wait to see the amazing women she continues to grow into.

This one here is 15 going on 23! My oh my how beautiful she has become, the Universe has definitely shown favor. She very much so lives in the new age generation and while I don’t mind the fashion tips I try my best to keep her grounded. She has a HUGE heart and wants the best for everyone; she really is a peace keeper and the universe needs more of her kind.

Again/7 days ago

Well, I think it’s finally hitting me  7 days ago today I was in Colorado. I can’t believe it’s actually over.

Joining Americorps was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I not only benefitted from the experience personally but I made life time friendships and I affected SO many different peoples lives.

I remember when I first joined I was looking for an escape, a safe place where I could still be me; which meant sacrificing my life for others,  but at least in a different atmosphere. I definitely got my escape and I found an entirely different way to give myself to other people. Leaving the program I have gained a new understanding of service that I’m eager to share with any and everyone. I want to continue to give back to my surrounding communities, I WILL continue. 

I am a proud advocate for Americorps. It offers young people an amazing opportunity that builds leadership, life experience, character and so much more. I am definitely encouraging my younger sisters to join after high school, there are so many more options than just going straight to college.

I will proudly wear my A as an alumni.

Again/California

I’m officially an alumni of Americorps and back in California for good.

I don’t think it’s really set in yet, it still feels like I’m on break and in a few days I’ll be on a plane back to Denver for my next project. I’m sure at whatever point it does sink in, I’ll be sure to let you know how it makes me feel…

Again/won’t forget ♡

So with less than 96 hours left as an active Americorps member I can’t help but reflect on the last 10 months and some of the life long friendships I have made. The first person I remember meeting before I even left the airport was this beauty here, Kristen, also known as the salt to my pepper ! We clicked instantly, less than two days in the program and we were already in a bar revealing our true alchohlism ha. We’ve been inseparable ever since. Kristen is one of the most ambitious, supportive and honest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I look forward to the many adventures we will go on through out our journey of life. ♡

Next is Keyana, my first roomate on campus. We endured 4 brutal weeks of Corps training together and developed a true friendship. I like her taste in woman almost as much as I like her. She never fails to bring a smile to my face and remind me to just relax. I need more people like her in my life, it’s essential to my health; she’s definitely a keeper. ♡

Oh Sir Patrick, how this young man has crept into my heart. It’s rare I have strong male connections, but this guy here has proved to be a genuine gentleman. I’ve learned a lot from him, just by interaction, he pushes me to be a stronger confident person without even realizing it. This experience would of been a lot less progressful without him.

If you’re an avid reader, this name should ring a bell. Kathleen, or as I typically call her my life mentor. I have literally learned how to be a better person by befriending her. She’s nothing short of amazing but even more so, she’s nothing short of average and it proves to me that you don’t have to be above ordinary to be extraordinary.

AJ should ring a bell too, this one here is my better half. We were like two magnets drawn to one another. She was full of so much life and beauty and I was fearless and driven and together we were unstoppable. We’ve got plans to take over the world at some point, but for now she’s got me and I’ve got her and it’ll be that way for a very long time. ♡

Again/Don’t take it Personal

I’ve tried writing a few times in the past week and I just couldn’t get anything out in my own voice; if that makes sense.

Last night a group of friends and I were sitting around drinking and enjoying one anothers company. One of my friends then asks: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Now this is no new question, I’ve probably answered it a dozen of times but last night I found it particularly difficult to answer. There’s tens of things I could probably change, the obvious (bigger butt, more patience, deeper intelligence,  blah blah), but I wanted something that would make a bigger impact in my life. I decided I wanted more control over my reactions to other people’s actions. I often find that I take things to personal, not saying that I’m sensitive,  but I literally take things to heart and it causes unnecessary pain at my own administration.

I’ll give you an example: last night one of friends was really upset, and I shouldn’t say just one of my friends, it was one that I consider myself to be really close too. So seeing their pain I felt a certain obligation to comfort them. I tried, genuinely. And while I’m sure they appreciated it, it wasn’t until another friend had come along and made them feel better did I realize my effort had no affect compared to this other persons.  I was hurt, I took it personal, felt like it was me, I wasn’t good enough. When in reality, my friend was hurt, my concern was them feeling better, no matter what brought that comfort. That’s where my focus should have been. I take things to personal.

I read a book not to long ago called, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz . It’s 4 basic principles that are aimed at living a life of personal freedom. One of the agreements is not to take things personal.

-Nothing anyone says or does is BECAUSE of you.

-Everyone’s actions are a projection of their OWN reality.

-When you are immune to the words or actions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Again/recovery

I started this post last weekend but decided against posting it. I think at the time I was to sensitive to the content.

Being an addict, whatever your posion may be is a never ending road to recovery. There’s never a point where you are fully recovered, no matter how long you’ve gone without your posion. There will always be temptation, some days will be easy and others will be unbearable.

Today was unbearable. I yearned for my drug like an infant does for milk. I woke up with a crave so strong it was hard to swallow. I spent most of the day in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. Afraid that I would give into my temptation. If was different this time, the crave, it was nothing I’ve ever experienced before. The reason for my drug was justifiable, at least to me at the time. That’s what really scared me, if I could convince myself I needed it, what was stopping me? Well as most addicts know, the drug not only affects you but those that love you as well. That’s why I didn’t give in, not because I didn’t want it but because I knew they wouldn’t want it for me. 

“The blade is almost as sharp as the sip of the posion that burns through your nostrils and leaves your mouth full of cotton, quenching for a sip of water, itching for another sniff and shaking as you hold the razor to your flesh.”

Self harm, Alcohol, Cocaine, Pills whatever your posion, do not let it consume you, you are stronger than your desire.