Archive for December, 2017

29
Dec
17

2018

I’m about 85% sure I am going to commit to a year of sobriety in 2018.

That means NO alcohol OR Marijuana.

I’m going to get asked WHY, a lot.

I’m not entirely sure why to be honest…

I have a dependency on them, when I’m upset or just want to escape the world or even in some aspect its become routine. I want to be able to make myself feel better without being under the influence.

I’ve been struggling with self worth A LOT lately and I’ve found that I prefer myself under the influence and I think most people do as well, I want to love myself sober and I want people to believe that sober me is the best version of me.

I have health and fitness goals that I’d really like to accomplish and my lack of control with drinking and smoking makes it really difficult.

I really admire Demi Lovato, and her living a sober life inspires me, gives me hope that I can find happiness in a clean state of mind.

So, thats basically why. I suppose a more short and sweet answer would be something along the lines of:

I’ve decided to commit to a year of sobriety to get a better understanding of myself. period.

Its going to be rough, I can already feel it. The peer pressure is going to be real, did I mention I bar tend for a living. I’m nervous that I will fail, that I’ll be to weak or I’ll break under pressure but I want to try, trying is all I can do right…

 

 

 

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29
Dec
17

tis the season

snapchat-1533570087.jpg

29
Dec
17

Fail

Is it possible my secret weapon turned against me and now is my kryptonite. Words use to be what set me free, now it fees like pulling barred wire out of my throat, a bit dramatic I suppose, but understand what that means, how difficult it has become for me to communicate.

It sucks, it fucking sucks!

I’ve been blogging for almost a decade now, how could words fails me?

Whats supposed to set me free now?

 

29
Dec
17

TIDE

“Caught in a tide,

gripping on to rocks

settled in the sand

they loosen

so does my grip

were no longer safe

floating in the tide

tossed from side to side

reaching for nothing to hold

we should have stayed on the shore.”

SCA PERRY

15
Dec
17

Lost

is it suicide if its my own silence that kills me?

Here a picture, because I cant seem to get any more words out…

20150207_131231

Where did this girl go? When did she leave? Who is she now …

14
Dec
17

Thursday

Its been a while, even now its a struggle, to just free my thoughts…

When did communicating become so difficult for me?

I often feel trapped inside myself. My mind is going constantly, its so loud its drowning and yet when I try to articulate a thought, its all of a sudden silent. Or maybe its so loud I don’t hear anything at all.

 




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