Archive for December, 2014

31
Dec
14

#thegivingkeys

My favorite gift this Christmas by far was a bracelet given to me by no one there than the infamous Bunnee(Elizabeth), I’ve been blogging about her a lot lately it seems; all for good reason. In actuality this blog isn’t about her, it’s about her gift to me…

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I won’t elaborate because I honestly am just to emotional about it at the moment, but I will share and I’ll share again when it’s my turn to pay it forward.

Thegivingkeys.com http://www.thegivingkeys.com/pages/about-us

But for now, please like/share and support this organization. It’s an amazing opportunity for people transitioning and it hits right at home for me. I don’t know if you guys remember the excerpt I shared from my past,  but I am no stranger to being homeless.

I lied, this is slightly more about Elizabeth than I led on. I just want to say THANK YOU. I don’t think she will ever understand how much this truly means to me. I’m not sure if she just knew the organization would be something I would support; or if she actually knows the history and the fact that I was homeless for 4 years of my youth. Either way, I’m confident in saying she is genuinely one of my best friends and understands parts of me I’m still discovering. I love you Bunnee.

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28
Dec
14

Again/reunited

One of my favorite things about the holidays is this is typically around the time that the Tree Krew reunites ! We had a few issues during scheduling but luckily I was able to see all 3 of my girls just at different times.

20141226_13483520141226_115629I love the idea that we have been able to maintain our circle all these years. There were groups in high school that seemed so close and now they’ve all gone their separate ways; I think it says a lot about our friendships the fact that we have remained friends even if we don’t get to see each other as often as we would like. I know that if I need them they are there and vice versa.

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27
Dec
14

Again /smemoseries

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Smemoseries.WordPress.com

26
Dec
14

Again/the holidays

I vote we celebrate Christmas in July from now on, beat the rush and we can have a nice family dinner on the beach, sipping Margaritas while the kids open their gifts. If only it were that simple right?

I want everything I do in life to mean something. I’m not religious, so what does Christmas mean to me? I tried to rationalize it. It’s about family and friends and coming together to show your appreciation. It’s using your words, or actions or even gifts to show your love in an outwardly open way.

Merry Christmas 2014

                    Merry Christmas 2014

I wanted my gifts to reflect that. I handmade keepsakes for everyone (bottle cap magnets, highly suggest you try it. Super cheap and easy). I wrote a meaningful card and offered quality time. I was very proud of my gifts to everyone, even more so I was proud of making Christmas mean something to me.

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21
Dec
14

Again/hightimes

So I know I just recently went into word vomit, but I had quite an interesting weekend and I have to share at least a part of it; please bare with me.

Again I’m gonna share with you something I have intentionally been keeping from you, just because of my line of work and personal preference. I am a frequent user of the cannabis.

This weekend I noticed a couple things: First, I don’t hang out with anyone else that is a user of cannabis.  (I can’t tell if it sounds weird like that or should I just say I smoke weed?) Now that, I already knew, and I’m fine with that. There are a lot of stereo typical cannabis users out there and I’m not one of them, so smoking alone works well for me.

It’s hanging out with people while I’m high and they are not.

a few things happen when I get high. I become insanely funny or at least I think so. I also become 10 times more aware of my surrounding, which can both be a benefit and a liability. So when I am hanging out with friends I’m paying more attention to the details. This is okay with some friends and not okay with other friends. If I’m more aware and I’m hanging out with people who on a normal basis are not very aware, the situation is going to conflict. As opposed to hanging out with people who have great situational awareness,  whereas that is going to stimulate me.

The next thing I noticed this weekend was my taste in entertainment has changed. So I like to drink, no secret there and about a year ago I would of been down every night for drunk dancing at the club. That was just my scene. Something happened over this past year and after partying this weekend I’ve kind of decided I’m over it.
I’d much rather be at home drinking and lounging with friends than be in some dark, hot, over croweded and over priced, ranging hormones night club.

The bar is debatable. If I’m with good company I can enjoy that more than a club. But mostly I like being at someone’s house, bring my own drinks or they provide drinks, good friends maybe even some tunes and call it a night! I can still dress up and I don’t have to worry about my feet hurting half way through the night. I can still take pictures and even dance if I’m drunk enough. I can even meet new people or bring someone new.

19
Dec
14

Dear Kathleen,

There’s a greater possibility of you seeing this post before you get a message from me.

I miss my chocolate covered blueberry. I miss our bubble; sitting in silence or listening to a song. I miss just walking into your room and you knowing just what to say. I miss being able to let my gaurd down and be open and raw and know you won’t judge me. I miss making inappropriate jokes and hitting on you and you just shaking your head and laughing. I miss staring at the stars or just sitting outside swinging and admiring nature. I miss Jose and our water bottles. I just miss … you. I hope South Africa is treating you well and and you’re sleeping comfortably. I hope even half way across the world, you know someone is thinking of you.

“With love” even though I love you       Shardai

19
Dec
14

Again/her

The anxiety is creeping in, slowly my nerves are unraveling and it feels like I’m in the eye of the hurricane. I’m sure it’s only aunt flow making her way for my uterus but I can’t help but feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

Brace yourselves,  I’m gonna word vomit …

I do this thing, where I want something,  I want it really bad. Then I get it, I enjoy it and then I don’t want it anymore, it almost disgust me. This is okay because your probably assuming it’s food or clothing or something superficial; but I get this way with people too. I’ll be so into someone one moment and then I’ll be with them and I’ll be happy and then I’m just over them. Just like that. I have a problem, I don’t know why this happens. I’m not currently in the middle of this (this is why I’m vowing to be single until I’m in a better place, overall), but I just can’t seem to let her go. It’s beyond pathetic, but it’s like a hunting memory in the back of my head constantly. But the kicker part is I know deep down she’s not what I want, or what I need. I know this is what’s best for me. Even better I know as soon I got her crawling back to me I wouldn’t want her anymore. Despite all those things, the pain I feel is real, the desire and the longing and the ache inside of my chest is as real as it gets. So if I know this isn’t right and it won’t work, why does it hurt so damn bad. The pain makes me feel like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by letting her go; but it doesn’t make sense because I know deep deep down inside I’m doing what’s best for me.

Inhale, send her some light and love, exhale let her go.