Why not start here?

Well hello there,

Its been quite some time hasn’t it, so much for consistency, doesn’t that ring a bell. I run from myself more often than the leaves run from the wind. You can never truly escape yourself though can you? Ive simply taken permanent residence inside my head, which if that doesn’t sound alerting let me remind you, it is. At some point I always find myself back here, trying again to let it out and let it go, at least thats consistent. I’ve made an appointment to see Andrew tomorrow, Andrew is my most recent therapist. I like him, I feel comfortable, like I can be honest with myself while he listens. Overall I’m just human, the same trivial problems everyone deals with at some point or time, but I need him because I’m… obsessive, I have a hard time letting go. Self-harm, comes in more forms than you’d ever imagine, and I’d like to stop hurting myself, torturing myself with past images, words, feelings, the past in general. In order for that to happen I have to open that box where I put things when I cant deal, which unfortunately is more often than I’d like to admit. So we will see how that journey goes, I am only allotted so many sessions, so I have to be honest and precise, honest being the key word. I’ve gotten quite good at lying to myself, sometimes I don’t even know I am lying to myself. Does that happen to other people? How often do you fool yourself…

In other news National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo) is coming up andI am ready to take the challenge once more! This time I’d like to start fresh instead of beating a dead horse, at least Darling my previous novel showed me I could write a novel but I don’t think its my debut. I’ve decided to write the greatest story I know, my love story; and along with the love story I suppose comes the story of I. I think its time, I’ve been holding this one in for far to long, I’ve got a story to tell, plenty of stories actually.

Hold me accountable, wish me luck!

P.s I think I’d like an audience, a circle of readers, I want to know someone is there as I’m writing this. I want to know I’m not alone… any tips?


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