Archive for March, 2010



Hello/Remember <– (:

So as I opened this blog to start writing, before I even knew what I was going to write about the song pretty wings came on, and I took that as a sign ;]

She’s my past and my present, 2 down and 1 to go.

I want her to be my future as well, but I’m TERRIFIED of what the future holds. Weather we will work out, whether I’ll fall in love with someone else, whether she’ll leave me when opportunity comes knocking <– and believe me it will.  Or my worst fear of all, my father <–God(: will come back before we get a chance to work this whole thing out.

I’ve never had something in my life that scares me as much as she does, Please note : all of this with the exception of God. So scared that I literally can cry at just the thought of having something that strong in my life. Its the hardest this I’ve had to endure in my life, which sounds contradicting if you know my life, but look at it from my perspective.

Any and everything that I have went through in my life, I survived because I had God, because I had faith. Not to say I don’t have God now, or faith. It’s just a lot harder when the situation I’m enduring is going against his “very word”. How can I expect him to help me, when .. well ya know. It be like asking a police officer to have my back as I race this kid next to me, can I do that?

SIGH <– Don’t mean to be a bummer on love, she is the best thing I never knew I needed, and she does make it all worth it, and believe it or not I do love her, there’s just a lot to consider.

Remember: “No matter what your father loves you, and with love you can concur the world” <3!


Remember/ Thinker

So I’m suppose to be doing my homework right now, but my mind is running a mile a minuet on a million other things.

I’m a thinker, it’s simply; what  I do.

Majority of the time it gets me in trouble though. Either people want me to think out loud, aka speak up. People want me to keep my thoughts to myself :p Go figure. or they just don’t like the way I think.

I’m also a realist, meaning I don’t believe in fairy tales,  I don’t believe in wishing and etcetera. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have FAITH and HOPE tattooed on me for no reason. I believe in believing God and through him all things are possible, but other than that I don’t wish on a wishing star to make my dreams come true 😉

Point of all this is, I have a problem. I kinda like to make things worse, before they make me worse, ya digg? It sucks, plain and simple. It’s like if something is too good to be true, I’ll crush it before reality kicks in and find out the hard way it’s not what it seems.  <– Which if I put it that way it doesn’t sound too bad, but in the sense that maybe just maybe not everything good is doomed to turn out bad, I usually end up making my life a lot more difficult than it has to be.

Bleh, we all have our faults right, right =/

Remember: ” Don’t run the light just because you think it might turn green as your going through” <3!



“I fell in love with him all over again”


Remember/ “Roommate”

Fighting for something that maybe, just isn’t going to work


Remember/ Never Enough

I feel like no matter what I do in life, it’s never going to be enough for people.

You tell me im not trying, so i try but it’s not enough. You tell me I do this wrong, so I do it right yet it still not enough. you tell me this needs to be fixxed, so I fix it, but it’s still not right!

Whats the point of me even trying anymore, like seriously?

You know one thing that I miss about being with my mom? The fact that I lived my life for me and god and no one else. I had no one reigning over me, I had no one I could dis appoint. I miss being able to be .. Free.

Granted I have learned a lot, and probably turned out to be a better person because. But still I think I would of made it even then because of who I am and the goals I’ve set for myself.

I want to leave, I want to venture out into the world and see whats waiting already. Now of course I’m not in the position to do so, but I feel like even when I am I wont be able too. I’ve become so attached to my family, that it’s not that I think I can’t survive without them but things wont be the same if I’m not here. I’ll almost feel like I’m abandoning them.

I see my life becoming that movie where the girl with so much potential stays home and takes care of her family and years later at like a school reunion when are her friends have succeed in life  she realized shes wasted her life away.

I don’t want to be that girl, I just can’t be ..

Remember: “Only you can make or break your future, follow your heart not someone else voice” <3!


Remember/ =]

Perfection: I want to be able to talk about something one day and then a week later you show up with the exact thing I talked I talked about, because you Listen

“Your the best thing I never knew I needed”



If it’s not one thing it’s another.

Seriously, why didn’t anyone tell me relationships would be so freaking difficult, although you would think of all people I would know that, with me being Dr. Phil and all 😉

I Guess I never thought it would be difficult for me, because it was me <– then again its me, so I don’t know why I’m shocked.

I’m pretty sure I’ve said before that I wasn’t made for relationships, like that characteristic was just skipped when God made me. I think I like being miserable, honestly, its like I like having the “sad girl” story or something.


Half the time I get me like no one else gets me, and the other half I have no idea whats going on <– this is one of the times I have no idea whats going on if you have not noticed.

I try and fail, I don’t try and fail, either way I fail so … can someone please tell me whats the point

Someone: When its good, its VERY good, and that makes it worth it.

Ohkay thanks “someone” but riddle me this, what if the bad out ways the good not that it does, I’m just saying hypothetically speaking?

Remember ” Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to” <3!