Archive for July, 2010


Remember/plans change

I had a plan, now I don’t..

Have you ever waken up in the morning not knowing what your going to do for the rest of the day? I feel like I went to sleep with a plan and woke up and had no idea what I was going to do.

and still don’t ..

I just know I cant take much more of doing “nothing” and I won’t..


remember/Sorry Shardai..

I’ve come to the conclusion, I have a problem.

I think for so long I was used to ignoring the pain, that now that it’s not there I’m looking for it.

I know what gets to me, I know what hurts me, I know what I do and do not like. Yet I find myself amusing myself with the things that I don’t lie, the things that I know hurt. I don’t know why, I don’t even know how it starts most of the time. Its like having a picture that you know makes you sad, but looking at it randomly.

Everyone has a past, I know that. With past you gain experience, knowledge, you make mistakes and you learn from them. I just wish some things could be just “a” past, and not mine, I doubt that makes sense, but I get it and that’s all that matters.

It’s hard to let go of something you never really had grasp of.


Remember/Its coming ..

Our time is coming,

our blessing is near

enough with the doubt, out with the fear

because our time is here



Is it just me or does she look black?

 sisters ❤




Dear God,

“If i cant have what i want, then make me want what I have”

sincerely Your Child

I want it .. I need it .. It hurts because  I don’t have it. I’m a realist, I know what I can and can’t have, yet I can’t shake this desire. I can hide it, I can push it away, but every time I see someone or something that reminds me of it, the feeling takes over again. I’m honestly too afraid to take that first step. afraid of rejection, afraid of failure, afraid of the pain. I want it so bad though, you have no idea and unfortunatly never will.



I thought I trusted, but Ive learned that you can’t trust and still second guess.

I guess all this time I’ve still been trying to protect myself, I’m sorry for that, yet I’m not, but only because I know that’s who I am and I cant help it.

I want to try, I want to be better at this, I’m going to try but I’m still going to mess up, I’m still going to get jealous, I’m still going to pick and pry and peak, but I’m going to try. I want us to be ohkay, i want us to be done with the arguing and the going in circles, I don’t want to be difficult anymore, but I need to know what you want. I cant help being your wife, because I love you and I want to take care of you, But I want you to feel equal and like its 50/50. like it should be. Your my wife too and I want you to feel that.

Just have patience and I promise I won’t let you regret me, I wont just be another girlfriend of the past, I”ll be your last girlfriend and your first wife ❤



The Pack <– Damaged Miracle ❤ <– Since Early winter of 2009
I cant believe its only been a little over a year, we’ve been through more than a reality show 😉 and we still have many many seasons to go. ily ❤

Decided to cut this one short. I learned three things at pride.

1. I’m totally ohkay with LGBT –> (lesbian,gay,bi-sexual,trans-gender) I just can’t stand the flamboyance and over dramatic-ness, besides that be who you are as long as you’re not hurting anyone ❤

2. I’ve come to the conclusion that if half the people who protest homosexuality used half of their time to volunteer or make a difference on our planet, the world might be a little brighter. AKA People get over yourselves and try doing something that actually helps our world.

3. Alcohol; not my forte.

P.s I love her, more and more as life throws us curvballs, and again I’m sorry, I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life, you deserved better and I’ll never be able to go back.