02
Nov
17

Theres always tomorrow

I tired.

I prepared last night, I went over my schedule in my head, I felt good about my plans. I wanted to get out of bed the next day, I wanted to accomplish everything on my list, to reward myself.

And then the alarm went off and I couldn’t move, I woke up every hour after that and just kept choosing to go back to sleep.

Its 12:32pm now and I just got out of the bed, only to pour myself a glass of wine and grab the laptop. I wish I could just put all my emption and what energy I have left into writing this book. Instead its exhausting before I’ve even started. Everything is exhausting. I’m so tired and I feel so alone…

Fake it until you make it right, thats always been my motto, to just keep pushing through. I’m finding it harder than ever to stick to that, to just keep going. I have to though, I have too many people watching my moves to give up. The Irony of how I can say I feel so alone and yet I cant give up because theres too many people watching me.

My mind is just flipping through the channels never stopping long enough to see what its about. Its just going, or it doesn’t’ go at all, and instead its a glass steadily being filled but never being filled.

Focus Shardai, Focus.

I’ll try again. Now is always the right moment to start making progress and progress is progress no matter how small.

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