Archive for July, 2009



So the past three nights I’ve gotten this terrible headache for no apparent reason, ouch! It’s like a stinging sensation in my head.

Anyway, it’s been a slow couple of days.  I leave for camp tomorrow though, kind of excited yet not at the same time. I think it’s going to be one of those things that I’ll get excited once were there and doing stuff, or so I hope. Although I am hoping this trip strengthens my “walk” with God. It’s quite different to live this life style, specially being a teenager and not so much surrounding myself with the same type of people. Maybe that’s my issue, my surroundings? Ugh <– to much thought right now.

So hung out with the pack tonight, it was chill. Normal. My heart aches for the girls though, there going through a tough time right now with there living situations, but everything’s going to be alright, I know it.

So (cough*cough) <– uncomfortable.  

I like this person.  I’ve come to realize that no matter what,  I’ll always have a mutual attraction for this person. So knowing this, I need to be careful, this is also the same person that I know relationship wise will never work. I’d hate to get the feelings confused with hope.

But the butterflies, the smiles, and the tingles in my fingers. Oh Baby(:

Okay okay enough with this ish lol so I’m sure I wont be able to update until I come back form camp, try not to miss me too much.

p.s wish me luck(:

Peace it yo =] 



So about two weeks ago, I wrote this blog but didnt get a chance to post it. So it may have some old things in it but I’m posting it anyway.

So its 5:30am and I’m awake unfortunately. Why, you ask. Well I woke up around 2:45 because one, I had to tinkle, two, I had a bad dream, and three, I just did. So I watched Law and Order SVU and ate some ice cream hopefully thinking I could fall back asleep. WRONG! So for the most part I just laid their watching TV until I noticed, “oh, the sun is coming out”, so I went outside and sat on MY car and just looked at the sky (and listened to like a million birds chirping). Its funny, the sky was clear as day, but there was one star, that shined bright enough so you could barely see it. I got lost in thought staring; I realized there are so many possibilities in the world. I mean, I know I knew that and people tell you that, but it’s true. All the possibilities, but the catch, is only you can make it possible. Easier said then done by the way.


So Michael Jackson has literally been in my head since June 25th around 6:15ish, or as in my dreams he’s known as J (because his middle name is Joseph) ß wow?! And the crazy thing is, like I don’t control my dreams. So its not like I just sit around fantasizing about him (laughing to myself). Then again they say your dreams are sometimes your deepest desires/fears. So is he a fear or desire? “Kidding, kidding”. I don’t know, its all a little odd, but interesting most definitely. I just think I admire what he was to the world and to a certain extent what he stood for. Crazy yeah, but really “who isn’t?” I mean who am I to judge on that subject like, “really?” I wish I could rewind time; I‘d love to be locked in a bathroom with him –> (don’t ask why a bathroom), just to see the way his mind works, to know what it he thinks. Not because he is Michael Jackson, but because he’s Michael. ß If you’re lost or not following along with my train of thought right now, give up. Clearly I am in my own world, and it is 5 in the morning (laughs to myself).


Well I think its perfect weather to go running, plus I’ve got a lot on the brain.


P.S Remind me to update you on the past couple of days (baby shower, grandma ect.)

 Peace it yo =] 




Okay so lets jump right into this. Theres a guy. Anonymous, but aged 24. A little old I know, but then again I’m quite mature for my age so in reality not too bad. Whatever, Met him at a party. Mmm he’s a looker and a thinker that’s for sure. Got the diggets, hung out last night (at like 12 in the morning!) and pretty much decided I like him, overall, whether hes intrested in me is left to ponder. Were chillen again tomorrow so I guess will see.

Possible mistake: introduced him to my twin. Believe me my self esteem is just fine, but its my twin, and as drake says –>

“she bring her friend around and make a nigga reconcider” <– lets hope not.

Just thought I’d let you know in-case something happens I can skip the intro and get to the details.

So camp next week, its for church. Pretty excited. I think I need this, the getaway and the alone time with God, it should be good for me.

So I realized I really miss my mom, and I wish things were different. But there not and its not going to be I know, but still. I smile and I portray this lovely young lady with so many characteristics but I’m still just a girl yearning for her mother in the end. <– Secret (shh)

So my niece had her graduation today. (giggles) Shes three and going to be in preschool. Shes such a cutie! But heartbreak of the night, my sister and her husband are separated(not the heartbreak, hes a jerk) but he didn’t show and my sister was hurt, therefore I was. They had these individual performances for the parents and when it was time for the dads to come down, you see my three year old niece looking around for her dad who wasn’t there, saddest image ever, not to mention my sister was crying. But my dad the hero went down there and she sang &quoteyou are the wind beneath my wings&quot; to him. adorable.

Then we all went out for a family dinner and it was nice. A good end to a long day.

Well off to bed early, quite exauhsted!

Peace it yo =]



So pretty much this is not going to be an everyday thing, if you haven’t already figured. Time just seems to be sucked in these days.

The drama is becoming over baring. Craziness, one would say. One day I will tell you the story of “The Wolf Pack” but now, your not ready believe me, for I am barley gripping on to this rollercoaster life.

Confession: I like her, I always will. Point blank period. 

Realization: We will never work.

Thought: I want her, unofficially though. <– get it?

I’ll explain. When we try and make things serious, it doesn’t work. But casually its amazing, so unofficially makes it .. not serious. <– Get it now?

Why I’m even waisting my time explain this only god knows. Its not going to happen, I’m not going to let it happen, but doesnt mean I don’t want it too.

Bleh. Its late, I’m tired. The end.

Sweet Dreams



“A promise is a promise dear” <– Dont make them if you dont intend to follow through.

So just for starters I’m home alone and I love it, dont ask why.

Ugh its so hot lately it sicking, like literally feeling sick to my stomach, or that could just be the contractions. Yes contractions. See I’ve been prego since about thirteen 😉 def of contractions : pains that come and go every five minuents, thanks to Eve. <– caught on yet?

Grr so jk not home alone anymore, my ant just got here. Greeeeat. Oh well.

So funny story, I’ve pretty much been gone like everyday last week, so I decided I wanted to just stay home and chill yesterday, sooo did not happen. Delfina (my twin) ended up just showing up at my house randomly and wanted me to go get food with her, not that I mind, I mean its food but at the same time i just wasnt in the mood. Then we ended up going to the BI <– teen night club with steph and alicia, and that itself led to a crazy night, I got home at like three! But at the end of the day it was worth it, I actually felt better and had fun.

So theres so much going on, but for once not in my life, but then again I make things bout my life so mine as well say theres alot going on in my life. Just with friends I mean. But I couldnt even tel you if I wanted to, Id have no idea where to start without having to write a novel. So lets not and say we did shall we.

Alright dearest, I shall be back later.

Peace it yo =]



So hate me now or later? later I prefer. well still alive, but my Internet died, so sorry for to have left you with the absence of my words (giggles) <– love my diction.

Wow where to start…

 Well soon to be a god mother experience went quite well, ayianas due at the end of august and shes gonna be gorgeous I can feel it. Saw my cousin ashley and we’ve been inseparable ever since, amazing times already! Alex and Steph are back! I didn’t realize how much I missed them both. Me and steph are good, its interesting actually, but you’d have to see us together to understand, but enough with the old and now with the new.

Been phone less for about two weeks, it wouldn’t be so bad if i didn’t keep meeting new people! lol <– laugh out loud

Swear i’ve been in and out the house like every day for those  two weeks as well, doing god knows what with who. no, mainly just hanging out and what not.

OH! totally forgot, the over night stay thing at Cal St! It went well, it makes me so excited to be living on camps and going there, and I’m even considering  joining a sorority! craziness right, but don’t act like you cant see me of all people in a sorority. lol <– laugh out loud.

okay so sorry to run but gotta cut this short due to this thing called life, but promise I’ll be back.

peace it yo =]



So my twin –>[Delfina] came over yesterday and she had a puppy in her bag. Now im thinking “awh its adorable” untill I realize its in my house. Apperently she found the puppy at San G and wanted to keep it so called my brother and asked him if she could keep it here because clearly, they cant have animals where she lives. Hmm not to sure how I feel about that. Dont know  if its the fact that my Brother is the one she called and hes keeping it, or just the idea in general, but whatever.

Anyway feeling better today, still no appatite –>(which I lost after the whole Michael Jackson thing yesterday) but better overall. I had an interesting dream about Michael actually, lets just say I found out who his saecret mistress was (cough)*(cough).

So planning on going down to the T.v statio tomorrow with Amber a  girl I used to work with.  P.s –> the T.v station in down town San Bernardino, its where I’ve worked for the past two summers. && I’m really excited. Its been about a year since I’ve been down there.

And then friday I am going to Jerees (8th grade bestfriend) to help get ready for her baby shower on saturday. CRAZY, its always the ones you dont expect to get pregnant, but I love her with all my heart so oh well. Excited and nervous for that, I havnt seen her since the begining of the pregnancy. Then saturday night going to my grandmas to finally see ashley! <– thats my cousin who lives in Texas and aka my other half! We got close about two summers ago and been insepreable ever since. Uh p.s staying the night at my Granmas should be interesting, seeing as we dont talk but will see, and then sunday church and home.

So thats pretty much the rest of my week, incase I dont have time to update you.

Peace it yo =]

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