Archive for June, 2010




1. Unable to help oneself; powerless or incompetent.
2. Lacking support or protection: They were left helpless in the storm.
3. Impossible to control; involuntary: helpless laughter.
I hate not being able to do anything. It’s like finding out my purpose in life, but not being able to do it. i hate it i hate it i hate it!


I realized tonight that I’m not much of a party girl, and as much as I love the center of attention, not so much at a party.

I’m actually kinda of a good girl, who would have thought =]

I’d rather stay at home and chill or read a book. Don’t get me wrong I like going out, if I’m with the right people. I’ve realized that “my friends” although they may be my friends, I don’t feel that comfortable with, I kinda feel like the odd one out actually, which normally I don’t mind but in some scenes i.e “parties” I’d rather be with people I feel comfortable with and can loosen up and stuff.

I miss the tree crew honestly … Kcat, Liz &Carolyn(:

yeah I was the token one, but we were all different yet the same, and with them I felt like I could be whoever I wanted to be and they wouldn’t say anything or make feel weird .. I don’t know maybe I’m just being too sensitive =/

Live above the influence ❤



I promise I won’t let you down, but only because God promised he wouldn’t let me down.


Remember/My Best Friend

Kathryn Ashley(:

I had no idea who she was, we hugged like we knew each other for years, later that night we connected like we knew each other for years, now she’s my best friend even 5,00 miles away.

She’s family and that makes it even better, sometimes I can’t stand her but mostly she just makes me smile, she’s like a me but 10 times 20 times more dramatic 😉 lol

I love you ash!

p.s 🙂 <– were so gay, we have a song!

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
(Come back, come back)
Come back baby, please
(Come back, come back)
‘Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon’ lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place, there ain’t nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together.


Remember/She said

My sister and her husband have like a million songs, but then again when your in love don’t you feel like every songs apply’s to you? lol Anyway, one of the songs is “Still” by Tamia. My sister told me that when I fall in love, I’m going to love this song.

Mmmm yea-hey-oh-woah-oh yea-hey-oh-woah-oh-woah
usually when two people are together for a long time
things seem to change
it’s been said nothing good lasts forever but this love gets better every day,
we get all excited inside everytime that we get alone,
he still got love in his eyes, and I still got love in my soul[Chorus:]
Still, feels like the first time we met that I kissed and I told you I love you,
we still run around like teenagers even though we’re grown and married with kids,
and we still talk on the phone for hours when I’m away
and he still writes letters and send me flowers every other day,
the question everybody ask is how we make it last
I tell them
I still
he still
we still

Now I still smile in the morning, when I realize when I’m still in his arms,
we know everything about each other, but we still keep holding on – yeah,
we’re never gonna break up
we’ll be always there to make up as long as we stick together
we’ll climb higher,
I’m gonna ride with him to the wire,
our love is never gonna end we’re on fire,


We go through problems like everybody else (but I really don’t mind)
but I don’t mind ’cause it makes us keep it fresh
what’s sadder than an argument is the thought we may have never been
He’s my lover, my baby’s father, my lifetime partner and my friend,
still the man of my dreams,
he still, still the man for me and I’m still in love with him so deeply,
I think I’ll sing it again
He’s still, still the man of my dreams,
he’s still, still the man for me and I’m still in love with him deep deeply


Remember/It’s Real <3

Unknown: How do you know you’re in love with her?

Me: My whole life no matter what I’ve wanted to do I’ve always wanted to go to New York, plain and simple. Something about the city life screams Shardai. I decided I wanted to go to school out there, I was going to transfer from RCC and finish school out there. But then me and Alex starting getting serious, and I started realizing I could have a future with her, that I wanted one, and when I realized I was actually starting to fall in love with her I made a new decision. Alex wants to be chef, she wants to own her own restaurant, she deserves that and she would be good at it, I want her dreams too come true. She wants to start from where she came from, La. If I go to New York, she’ll either stay (because I forced her too) or she’ll follow me and then her dreams won’t come true, now I know she says I’m her dream or she can do it later but I want that for her, and I want it now. I know I’m in love with Alex because I want to stay in LA and transfer out there so her dreams can come true.

Unknown: Wow, your really in love shardai, congrats.

She’s my drug, and I’m sweetly addicted ❤


Remember/ Summer Plans

Summer 2010 :)<3

  • Get closer to God
  • Finish school, with passing grades
  • Make it to 4 months(:
  • Summer body(;
  • Get a job
  • volunteer
  • Get my license
  • Move my mom
  • Visit my brothers
  • Party at the beach
  • Go to a water park
  • Road trip!
  • House party
  • Get a puppy for Alex(:
  • Help a random stranger
  • Spend more time with the girls
  • make one person smile everyday(:
  • Save up 1,000 by the end of summer

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