Archive for August, 2009



The picnic was allot of fun! I actually relaxed and had a great time.

Food, family, friends and my twin:]

Shaunte: No running

Skyler: Well can I speed walk?

Swear that was the high light of my day!

Alicia was a no show, but come find out 5 hours after the picnic started she text Tameka and said she wasn’t feeling well and sorry she couldn’t make it. I was disappointed but I would assume that she must of really not been feeling well to miss it, at least I hope so. I should of called her when I got home to make sure she was ohkay, then again she could of called me, I don’t know. But this is another blog.

Well not much else to say on the picnic but it was definetly much needed.



So Micheal’s death was concluded a homicide. Finally! They put his poor body and spirit through hell, and he’s still not berried!

So  they were talking on the news something about proof that this was a publicity stunt and he was really alive. Could you imagine? People would be furious yet happy. So insane! I really hope not, HIGHLY doubt it though.

I wonder if the dreams would stop? If I ever met him would I tell him about the dreams, I’d probably sounds psycho. Still I ponder the thought.

They’ve been doing all these t.v specials on him. Man. It totally changes the way the public portrays him though, atleast to me. They made this movie/Documentary thing, and it was horrible, it made him seem like he was slow and perverted, or maybe he was? I don’t know, but in my dreams he’s nothing like that, then again it is my dreams.

Speaking of dreams, update?

Were going on three years and its my last year at NYU. We’ve decided that after I graduate were going to “get serious” <– his words. I think we already are, but he wouldn’t explain it to me. Anyway, hes getting ready to go on tour to promote his new album (which he dedicated to me) and I’ll be done with school in abot 6 months.  Oh, did I tell you I met Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato at the gym and we’ve become like best friends and later Taylor Swift? <– typical 😛 <– but its my dream:]

Things are pretty good, we hit a few speed bumps with some drama,now that we;ve become public its allot harder I will admit but it helps are communication. So yeah that’s about it minus a few details.

Happy belated Birthday Jay(: <– I didnt get on yesterday so I couldnt tell you.

Still think I’m pycho, believe me I agree, but what can I do.



Optimistic: One who usually expects a favorable outcome. <– Easier said then done let me tell you.

How can I sit here and pretend to be optimistic, and I have no idea what I’m doing, or how I’m going to get through this, and I ask for help and people are just as clueless as I am! Tell me, how can I be.

People tell me, “its okay you’ll get through this”, “its fine its fine”

How can they believe in me, when I didn’t get through this the first time, whats the difference now?

I sit here and my imagination runs wild as I think of all the possible outcomes, what if I don’t finish, or worse, what if I do and I fail?

I put it in the lords hands, but that still means i need to put in 50% and I dont even know if I can do that.

“Let go and let God” <– Meaning let go and let god handle it.

Once again easier said then done (pray for me).


I nervously bite my nails                                                                                  

I try to breath, take inhales,                                                                              

My minds racing a mile a minet                                                                    

What if I really don’t finish?                                                                              

How could this be happening again                                                                

Mine as well give up now I’m never gonna win                                    

Optimistic optimistic optimistic, I gotta be                                                         

I know, I gotta believe in me                                                                                

Easier said then done                                                                                            

But some how, some way at the end                                                                  

I’ve gotta be able to say I’ve won!

I CAN DO THIS! <– I wish that sounded convincing in my head :[



Boy looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
That I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I know she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she’s got everything that I have to live without

Boy talks to me, I laugh cause it’s just so funny
That I can’t even see anyone when he’s with me
He says he’s so in love, he’s finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do

Boy walks by me, can he tell that I can’t breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She’d better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky cause

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I’ll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do
He’s the time taken up, but there’s never enough
And he’s all that I need to fall into..

Boy looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see.

Hint: Boy, is code word for who I’m really talking about.


Hello/Upside Down

I made time:]

“It’s amazing  how one day your world can be perfectly fine and the next its turned upside down, guess that’s life in a nutshell” – SimplyShardai

Well for starters, I got he money for the class and I’ve started. Relieved I got the money, that’s now the least of my problems. I don’t know how I’m going to pass this class. Its ridiculous. There’s an on line tutor that I can call but he’s on vacation <– Does me allot of good. And you would think, oh just call another one, but they only have one. Don’t ask me why. I’m trying to take it one step at a time, literally, but I just find myself in tears. I HATE feeling helpless. Emphasis on the “Hate”.

Tomorrows the family picnic, I hope and pray to god that I just relax and enjoy myself, although that almost seems impossible at the moment. But Delfina and Alicia will be there, two of my favorite people, so that should help, plus food:]

Speaking of Alicia, oh god, where do I begin. I’m losing my best friend people. I don’t think you heard me, I’M LOSING MY BEST FRIEND. Its breaking my heart, literally. I’d rather not go into details but just know its a mess and I’m helpless and for once, I don’t know how to fix this, I find myself digging my whole deeper and deeper. (Sigh) This can not be happening.

On another note, they ruled Jays death as a homicide. It only took a month, poor jay. He didn’t deserve this. He was Born in the spot light, raised in the spot light, can we at least let him die not in the spot light, jeez!

They made this short biography of him kinda, and they had actual actors play different roles like a movie. and, forgive me i don’t know his real name, but Flex from one on one, played Micheal, it was interesting? And that’s being nice. But it made me miss him even more, and currently in “our other life” we’ve been arguing and after watching that I just wanted to go to sleep so we could make up, lmao. But I’ll see him in a few so no worries ;]

Well this is all I can do for now, its late and tomorrows going to be a busy day.

Wait wait wait,  I forgot the most important thing. Jeree had her baby! Yes yes yes! August 6th at 9:56pm 7 lbs 9 ounces 20 inches Aiyana Neveah Sanders was born, oh and she’s beautiful! Head full of hair and just the cutest little thing.


Okay, sweet dreams I’ll be back as soon as I can!

P.s sorority swim party on Saturday:] <– I’m going!



Ugh I wish I could blog right now, but I’m so busy I  cant even afford to do that, I shouldn’t even be writing this one! I have so much going through my head its crazy!

okay okay back to work I go, as soon as I can, I ll take a break and let lose with the keyboard!

Pray for me!



Youth group is amazing. I look forward to it so much.

Secret: I’ve have always wanted a youth group that I felt I belonged in, and I’ve found it.

Rialto Bible Fellowship is my home church now, and I’m in love. With God, with life as it is. The people there are real, and I can feel it. I’m so thankful that at a time in my life where I’m going to have to depend on me I found a church that can be there for me.

I’m so excited to do so many things. I cant wait to outreach and just help and do good things. I know it sounds cliche but I mean it. That church and youth group makes me want to be a better person, doesn’t get much realer then that my Friend.

Expect great things.

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