Again/rehab

They say going through a break up is like going to rehab.

Love is addicting. It literally causes endorphins that our body becomes addicted too. Seeing that person, is like taking a hit. Every touch, every kiss,  every interaction, is another hit. The breakup becomes a withdrawl, the pain the detox. It’s recommended the same way you go to rehab, the same way you conceal yourself until you’re strong enough to have your free will back, you  separate yourself from that person. You cut off all contact,  you get rid of all evidence, you stop stalking their social media, you strip their existence from your life.

But addictions have a way of finding our weak spots. Just like exs have a way of poping up. You either have a relapse or have enough strength built up to turn the other way. Sometimes you poison yourself though. You take a walk down an old street, you meet up with an old friend. You browse an exs social media …

I’m being vague … because I just need you to understand.  I’m going through a process,  I’m healing, letting go and moving on, detoxing, I’m in rehab. I’ve been sober so to speak for 2 weeks and 3 days. I broke that sobriety moments ago, but I wouldn’t call it a relapse. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, I don’t have the urge to do it again. I’m okay, really. But that scares me even more.. it scares me that I feel a little better than the last time I stumbled across their social media page and saw that my drug had a new subject. It scares me because it’s working,  I’m separating myself and it’s working and soon all I’ll have is me. I’ll have let her go without attaching on to someone else and I’m free, I’m alone, which is the end goal, it’s why I’m in rehab and not sweating it out in someone else’s bed. That’s scary … scarier than getting high and discovering addiction again.