Posts Tagged ‘emotion

27
Oct
15

Heavy

Woke with the weight of the world

Rose with a heavy heart

Head barely held

Heavy heavy heavy

Tried to lighten with a bit of alcohol

Tried to erase

Tired to escape

Still heavy I weighed

Heavy heavy heavy

It’s alright,

Its okay,

I’m fine

Always.

It’s alright,

Its okay,

I’m fine

Always.

Woke with the weight of the world

Inhale through the pain

Exhale in search of the sane

Lost inside my head

I am lost,

I am lost,

I am lost,

Heavy with the weight of the world

Tried to lighten with a bit of alcohol

Tried to erase

Tired to escape

Still heavy I weighed

Heavy heavy heavy

It’s alright,

Its okay,

I’m fine

Always.

It’s alright,

Its okay,

I’m fine

Always.

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14
Sep
15

🔫

Just because I’m holding the gun doesnt mean it hurt any less.

I felt the blow, I feel the blow.

Just because you dont see my pain, doesnt mean it’s not there.

Pardon my french, but fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.

You dont know me.

28
Oct
14

Again/anxiety

I feel the urge to apologize because my blog seems to be filled with emotion lately. Not the good kind, the kind that makes you want to turn the radio up. But it’s MY blog and if I can’t be free here, where else can I be?  

I had an anxiety attack today.

I won’t go into detail as to how it started, because it never stimulates from just one thing. It all came down to the fact that I felt like I was failing at loving myself. I laughed in the middle of my uncontrollable sobbing because I realized so many people love me. Some would even say I possess a talent that makes it easy to make someone fall in love with me. Yet I was having a hard time loving myself, the irony.

Looking at it from an outside perspective,  I saw this girl with unlimited potential (as everyone has),  who just wasn’t progressing; not because she wasn’t aware but because she was standing in her own way. She would yell and scream and kick and punch at her own reflection.

Why didn’t anyone tell me learning to love myself was going to be so hard? Why is it so easy to love someone who’s all wrong for you, yet so difficult to love yourself. I’m flabbergasted, because I always thought I did love myself. But then I stood as a third party and I watched myself on a day to day basis and I do things that don’t represent the person I want to be. That’s not love. I do things that aren’t in my best interest. That’s not love. I put priority over things insignificance in comparison to myself. That’s not love! Actions speak louder than words and my actions don’t prove that I love myself. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than that…

If I love other people the way I love myself I apologize because we both deserve so much better. Perhaps that’s why I’m single and all my other relationships have failed.

I miss home right now more than ever. I miss free, genuine, not expecting anything in return, love. I want to be held so bad I’m shaking. I need to feel that someone loves me because right now… I’m having a hard time making myself feel loved.