15
Nov
15

Face the Mirror

I’ve been avoiding you WordPress, which in turn means I’ve been avoiding myself…

The last post I made, that day, that night changed my life forever.

My Partner cheated on me with my best friend.  I wish it wasn’t so but sadly its the truth. I’ve been debating whether I wanted to share it or not, but this is my safe spot a place for me to let me hair down, no filters so here I am.

Now if you’ve been bold enough to follow any of my love life you’ll know a few months ago I was in a polyamorous relationship, I decided the particular arrangement wasn’t for me. While I remained in one relationship and continued a friendship with the other, soon their paths crossed again and unfortunately it happened behind my back. An emotional relationship was formed and soon it turned into a physical relationship.

Deviated is an understatement, I was completely taken by surprise.. I’d accused them in the past, I had my assumptions and delusions but thats just what they were, delusions. Never in a million years did I actually think anything would happen, how naive I was.

Nonetheless, I have forgiven both parties as I have never been one to hold a grudge, and while I am choosing to work through my relationship I have taken a step back with my friendship. I’ve only got enough strength for one fight at a time and most days I barely have that.

It’s funny, you predict what you’d do in these situations, but you never know until you are in fact in that situation. I expected anger, hatred, revenge, but instead I’ve only felt anger at myself. I only questioned my actions and whether it was me who did this. It’s definitely changed something inside of me, I don’t look at myself the same way. Its like superman feeling pain for the first time, I know I am not invincible but if I’m being honest I don’t often experience rejection, and I have never felt more rejection than this experience. I’ve definitely learned from this, had I been honest with myself from the beginning perhaps these events would never have occurred. Going forward I have promised myself one thing, I will be honest with myself, always even when it hurts, because I expect other people to be honest with me, even when it hurts.

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