19
Dec
14

Again/her

The anxiety is creeping in, slowly my nerves are unraveling and it feels like I’m in the eye of the hurricane. I’m sure it’s only aunt flow making her way for my uterus but I can’t help but feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

Brace yourselves,  I’m gonna word vomit …

I do this thing, where I want something,  I want it really bad. Then I get it, I enjoy it and then I don’t want it anymore, it almost disgust me. This is okay because your probably assuming it’s food or clothing or something superficial; but I get this way with people too. I’ll be so into someone one moment and then I’ll be with them and I’ll be happy and then I’m just over them. Just like that. I have a problem, I don’t know why this happens. I’m not currently in the middle of this (this is why I’m vowing to be single until I’m in a better place, overall), but I just can’t seem to let her go. It’s beyond pathetic, but it’s like a hunting memory in the back of my head constantly. But the kicker part is I know deep down she’s not what I want, or what I need. I know this is what’s best for me. Even better I know as soon I got her crawling back to me I wouldn’t want her anymore. Despite all those things, the pain I feel is real, the desire and the longing and the ache inside of my chest is as real as it gets. So if I know this isn’t right and it won’t work, why does it hurt so damn bad. The pain makes me feel like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by letting her go; but it doesn’t make sense because I know deep deep down inside I’m doing what’s best for me.

Inhale, send her some light and love, exhale let her go.

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