30
Sep
14

Again/let go

Fair warning this is gonna be a diary entry, just me, just a girl expressing her feelings, a broken record really…

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As you may have read, I’m still in the healing process of a break up. I recently encountered an article on Elephantjournal.com, which by the way if you haven’t visited I highly recommend,  and it talked about throwing the no contact rule out the window.

Interesting ….

I have been in about let’s say, 4 serious relationships, all lasting longer than 6 months, the longest a year and a half. Each of those exs with the exception of the latest, I’m still friends with, given at least 2 of them were my best friends prior to dating, but still. So when my latest ex and I decided we were going to cut off all contact (I’ll skip the details like the fact that when we first broken up we didn’t contact each other for about 2 months) I knew it was for the best, we wanted different things despite the fact that we loved each other. That’s why I agreed.  It’s not my norm, I’m friends with all of my exs as I’ve just shared. This was foreign and it drove me crazy. Telling someone not to think of something only makes them want to think about them even more.

I know it’s for the best, I know no good will come out of us being friends, yet not a day has gone by that she hasn’t crossed mind. I’m growing, being single is healthy and it’s what I need. I’m not in a place to be in a relationship,  I KNOW THIS,  but shoot me in the face,  I just can’t let this go, or at least it’s a lot harder than I imagined

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She only exist because I keep thinking about her. I’ve cut off all connection, I don’t see or hear anything about her, she only 3 exist because I keep thinking about her. Letting go is hard yes, but holding on is even harder.

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