My heart beat accelerates, my mind is racing with a million thoughts, my mouth goes dry, and then I’m all of a sudden mute. My mind wanting to yell things over and over again, yearning for me to scream out, to say something, but  I can’t.

This is what happens, this is how I feel.

Believe it or not I don’t want to argue, I don’t want things to be difficult, I don’t want to be complicated. After being a certain way all your life, its hard to change, and honestly people don’t accept change. They say they want it but once you give it to them the reject it, I’ve tried.

To each whom it may concern:

  • It scares me when we argue because little by little I’m starting to accept that I’ll never be all that I want to be for you, that I can’t be that girl.
    It scares me that I can’t speak up because I feel like once I do I’m going to lose you, and eventually the rest of you.
  • It scares me that I’ll always be who you want me to be because I’m too afraid if you really knew me, you wouldn’t feel the same.
  • It scares me that if you die, I’ll never forgive myself
  • It scares me that I don’t have a closer relationship with you guys.
  • It scares me that I’ll grow up and be just like her.
  • It scares me that I’ll give up on myself before I give myself a chance.
  • It scares me that I’ll end up alone, not because no one cares, but because I’ve pushed them all away.
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