20
Aug
09

Hello/Jealousy

Jealousy: Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position

Lets get a little personal why don’t we. Someone told me, “I follow your blogs and I’ve noticed none of them are really about YOU, there about your surrondings, but I want to know who Shardai is, what she’s like, what she thinks” .

So bear with me as I let you in to a part of my world.

I’m a very jealous person, if you know me, you know this. It’s actually a very ugly quality, but everyone has there reasons. I like to be the center of attention, not in an annoying way, but in a self confident way. I like to be liked, what girl does’nt actually? More importantly what human likes being dis liked?

Take for example alicia and steph <– I use them because you guys are already quite familure with there characters. Alicia is my best friend, always has been and alwasy will be. Steph is also a very close friends, and she holds a special place in my heart. Knowing this will help understand <– probably not lol.

Right now Steph is staying with Alicia, which is totally fine due to certain circumstances, but it makes me jealous. Why you ask? For starters me and Alicia are not as close, and there getting closer as we speak so it kind of irks me. Not to a point that I would ever say anything because its not worth it, plus its not fair. More importantly, Stephs become apart of her family, and although I will admitt I’m very close to her family, it’s not the same, and it saddens me or as it may seem it makes me jealous.

Reasons: With out going in to detail, there have been many times in my life where I did’nt feel wanted, or like I belonged, and both of those emotions evoke jealousy. Im a very competitive person, and with that there are times I feel like I’m not good enough, this also envokes jealousy.

Blah blah blah, like I said, I usually have my reasons.

Now don’t mistake any of this as “hater-ism” or low self esteem, because believe me, its not. I mayh be a jealous p[erson but I am more then content with who I am. Jealousy has become just apart of who I’ve become, like it or not and it has alot to do with me being sencitive, which is a whole nother blog..

Anywho, there you have it.

peace it yo =]

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