Hello/Last day

So lets start from the beginning and then will come back  to why I feel so hurt and disgusted.

Ashley <– my cousin from Texas, leaves tomorrow back to Texas =(  So today of course we spent all day together. Me, her, Alicia, and steph all went to montclaire mall to go shopping and see a good friend of ours. It was pretty fun minus the fact that I was feeling a little self conscious <– don’t ask. But still it was fun.

 Then we came back and went to youth group <– which I’m starting to love by the way! Anyway, that was a lot of fun and we had root beer floats at the end to celebrate Ashley and them leaving. Then we made plans to go to Starbucks with Donna, aka youth pastors wife who’s this really amazing chick<3 <– ha. So by this time its like almost 10, so we go back to Granny’s, tell her whats going on and leave.

Remember this: –> We were planning to see the pack afterwards, Starbucks was going to buy us some time to say goodbye and what not.

 So anyway we went to Starbucks but it was closed so we ended up going to Mc Donald’s, and we just sat there and talked, until it was like almost 12. Then we get back and the pack is waiting for us, oh and I forgot to add that Kristi, Ashley’s little sister is with us, so we chill with them for like 20 mins <– I’m not even gonna add whats going on in that circle right now, or with individuals.

 Okay so now were in the house and its a little after 12 and Granny’s up, she doesn’t say anything. Me and Ashley are saying our goodbyes <– details on that later. and I’m getting my stuff, now I’m like walking to the door and getting ready to say good bye and Granny’s like

“where are you going?!”

and I was like

“home, my friend is here to get me”

and she starts going off and shes like

“your dad said he will be here in the morning, so your not going anywhere!”

and I politly told her

 “oh ohkay well I talked to him and plus there already here”

and shes like

“I dont care, your dad said he will be here in the morning and your not leaving”

and by this time shes like right in my face

“and if you wanna leave you have to go through me and im pretty sure your not big enough to take me!” 

and I’m sitting here like what the heck i would never put my hands on you. Well to cut this short I end up calling my dad aNd he tells her its okay for me to leave, but even then when I try to leave she holds me back and we end up calling him again and she directly talks to him and he says its okay, so I try and give her a hug and Say goodbye <– I wont be seeing them anymore seeing as they leave tomorrow. and shes like

“Bye, get out, leave”

and I’m like wow really, and I walk out the door and just burst into tears. I was so hurt. She has never spoken to me like that and it was just out of no where, plus with the emotions of Ashley leaving already it just through me off.

It gets better.

So I make it home and I call Ashley to let her know that I am home and I asked her did granny say anything after I left and she was like, just that if it were anyone else they would of stayed and that it was too late for me to be out and with “friends” <– she put emphasis on the friends, but if that’s how my dad raises me, then so be it and yada yada ya but then she was like, well at least he doesn’t have to worry about me getting pregnant <– because I was with the pack. When Ashley said that I was just like are you serious, she doesn’t even know me or my life or my friends f0r that matter. How can she sit there and judge, its makes me sick to my stomach!

Its so sad, people these days. So called family. For a second there I was thinking, I’m actually going to miss my grand mother and I wish I spent more time with her, who was I kidding! Apart of me wishes she was like other Granny’s and was old and sweet and smelled like cookies <– okay maybe a bit exaggerated, but at least that she liked me. Is that to much to ask for? A grandmother that loves me? Its worse enough I don’t have a mother in my life <– but now as I reach out for a grandmother, I’m not even deserving of that? 

UGH I’m not even angry right now, I’m hurt like .. (sigh)

I’m off to bed, cant concentrate, and I feel weak and tired.

Sweet dreams.


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